The Unofficial Very Rough Guide to Middle Earth

The Shire

A rural idyll set in the North. Some outstanding ales (but seem to be served in half measures) and fresh farm produce.
Locals can be standoffish with strangers as there have been some problems with immigrants and tourists.

Gondor

Spectacular views of some truly amazing countryside, and if travel at the right time of the year, a quick war between good and evil will keep you entertained (lucky as ITV reception is very limited).
The more adventurous (or just plain stupid) may wish to brave (or stupid) the Paths of the Dead. Not recommended for children under 3 years of age.

Riding Holidays in Rohan

A perrenial favourite with families with teenage daughters - take a trek across the mountains and through the forests of the Vale of Rohan.

Orthanc

A once popular destination that is now closed to the public for refurbishment. It can still be viewed from the road.
Although a national treasure, Orthanc was recently ruined by careless local vandals. Scandalously, the pensioner living there was thrown out of his own home and is now too scared to return. The authorities have done nothing, not a single ASBO has been issued.

Mordor Park

A newly frmed theme park with many new rides. Once inside the grand gates of Barad-Dur, you will find yourself in one of the greatest theme parks inside Middle Earth.
Built on the former estate of a wealthy landowner (who fell on hard times following a jewelry theft), the park has maintained the atmosphere of days gone by.

Cheers, your very good 'elf!